by Anne Utterback | May 11, 2018 | Blogging, God's Whisper, Life
In the Middle of the Writing Journey
This is a journal entry from the 500 Words a Day Challenge. It amazes me the raw emotion that can come from writing in a journal and the truth. I find that God is constantly whispering the same thing to me … be brave, be real, be you, and keep writing.
Day 16 – How am I feeling about the 500 words a day challenge and writing.
There are days that I don’t have any words. So, I decided to type out exactly what I was feeling and the random thoughts bouncing in my head. We are always having some sort of thought, it could be the list of tasks that you want to accomplish at work or home, how you are feeling in relationships, maybe you are rethinking a discussion you had and now you are able to say the words that wouldn’t come yesterday but, in your head, they are flowing like a river. I am fighting the urge to stop, but I have never written so many words in a row. I have maintained the 500 words and it would feel painful to stop. There is a plethora of reasons but when I look at them, it boils down to just being lazy.
I want to sleep more but, am not sleeping at all. Lying in bed thinking about how I should be writing but want to sleep. I have nothing to write about. I don’t want to take the time to get out a bible study and push myself to learn. Bible studies push me in so many ways. It grows me because I will try to tell others what to do but ultimately, I need to work on myself first. I have no business telling others how to live their lives if mine is in shambles. I cannot give advice on parenting if my children are disrespectful and little minions running around giving orders or refusing to make eye contact to anyone. Marriage advice is out the window when there is tension in my own relationship.
Now of course there are exceptions to some of these because in the end, we can only control ourselves and how we act. But if we are not seeing the problem in our own relationships, we are not able to assist others. When I do bible study, God is always working on my heart. He is molding it. Pruning my branches. Creating me to be more like Him and this forces me to look outside of myself and begin to reflect on what am I doing that is assisting in the downfall of relationship.
I must keep fighting through this transition in my life. I want to write and help others learn to rely on God and what it looks like to align your life with scripture. The world, the culture is constantly spewing lies and tells us what we should be doing and how to raise our kids and that divorce is necessary, co-habitation is best, church doesn’t need to be attended, sports are a must but need to happen at age 5 or they will never play in high school. The list goes on and on.
The world is loud. It is screaming at us through the television, our phones and computers through social media, shows and movies. It stuns me what is on tv and movies now. The ratings are getting looser and we are getting worse. We no longer view things as bad. We are becoming numb. Our children are becoming desensitized. But there is hope. There is always hope. Look up. Not at the screen but beyond. God is with us. He will never forsake us. We need to turn to Him and share with others and help those who are being lured away by all the noise. We need to be the soft whisper of encouragement that is heard in the storm of life.
(You can read more about my challenge here -https://anneutters.com/2018/04/09/what-i-learned-during-the-500-words-for-30-days-challenge/ )
by Anne Utterback | May 4, 2018 | Blogging, God's Whisper, Life
The stumbling blocks I put in my path stem from pride.
I stumble, also known as sin. I sin. There are too many to list here, and I am not sure my heart could take reading the entire list. Truthfully, my pride would not be able to take it. However, God uses gentle reminders and His word to guide me to the truth. This reminds me of a verse:
“Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble” 1 John 2:10.
As I keep rereading the verse, I stop to listen. The last part is what keeps ringing true in my life. How many times have I stumbled? Many, many times and if I am stumbling, then I am not fully in the light. It amazes me how quickly I can get engulfed with darkness. Dwelling on past moments of stumbling, replaying conversations, and prideful thinking are a few.
Dwelling on past moments of stumbling …
When I sit and allow my mind to go towards past moments of sin, I slowly get entangled in the dark. Thinking of past hurts keep me from walking on God’s lighted path. Looking backwards, I am no longer able to look ahead. Therefore, I stumble again and again. Learning from the past is beneficial, but the key is to learn, then move on and not repeat. This leads to my next stumbling block.
Replaying conversations …
Along with dwelling on past moments are replaying the conversations that coincide. I cannot change the past but I will waste countless hours thinking about it. How does this accomplish anything? It doesn’t, however letting go and reading the Word will reveal truth. Romans 15:4 is a perfect illustration.
Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled. Romans 15:4
Learning from the Scripture gives me hope.
Prideful thinking …
As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, I have struggled with pride. The moment I repented and acknowledged God for who He is, my eyes were unveiled. At the root of my stumbling blocks was pride. Pride had taken a hold of my life. Pride can be positive but not so in my case. It created fear in me. The fear of being wrong. Yes, how silly it sounds. But the emotion behind it was intense for me. My face would get red. I felt defeated.
Once I began seeing how pride had interwoven into my hurts and brokenness, I could see the destruction it had caused. I began to say “I’m sorry” and “I am wrong”. Simple phrases and yet healing for me and others. My relationships became better, more meaningful.
God the healer …
Of course I would like to say that it has been stumble-free since the moment I gave my life and heart to God, but that is not the case. God is constantly working and revealing sins in my life, some are obvious but others are harbored way down deep. I had created bitter roots and black spots in my heart. These sins cause me to stumble but with God’s love I am able to acknowledge the sin and ask for His forgiveness. I don’t sit and dwell like I used to, I change my thought pattern quicker, and I continue to let go of pride.
Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10
I would rather be wise than right. By right, I mean think my opinion is the best. There is nothing wise about that or right for that matter. Therefore, I will continue to read the Word and align my heart to His.
How are you stumbling?
by Anne Utterback | Apr 9, 2018 | Blogging, God's Whisper, Life
The challenge – writing 500 words for 30 days. I want to finish strong. And yet, I have learned several unexpected things about myself during this challenge. I wasn’t expecting any life change. I was just trying to write, to make it a habit. However, the lessons have been a beautiful surprise.
Challenge lesson #1 – Knowing I am on the right path …
I felt that God has challenged me to write for many years. He has also given me a passion for teaching. I was a math teacher and have home schooled my boys since kindergarten. The desire to constantly learn and study has been part of me since I was young. Through this challenge God has renewed that desire and passion. He calls me to study the Bible and learn from it then pass that along to others. Word studies on Bible verses stir my soul. They are reminders to me how I am to live my life. My life for Him. I write for Him, not for me.
Challenge Lesson #4 – I am not a morning person, at least not yet …
I read time and time again that getting up early before others allows one to get so much more done in the day. I tried. I tried for several days in a row. I have my alarm set for 6:45 am to get ready for work. I needed to set my alarm for 5:30 am to have time to write. I also love my morning coffee. What better way to start the day then to sit quietly with my coffee and computer. I tried. I really did. But I just stared into the abyss the first morning.
The next morning, I finally was able to get some words down. I literally wrote all the random thoughts down that bounced around in my head. The third day I did much better and wrote something logical. The fourth day I quit. I can’t remember if I had a head ache or what was going on, but I didn’t get up. I eventually just shut off that 5:45 am alarm. I now write after 9:00 pm. It might not be ideal, however in my current situation, it is working.
Challenge lesson #3 – Momentum and ideas and ideas …
I can now sit down and begin typing within minutes. Sometimes I would use the prompts given to help spur the writing process, but I have found that I can go without. I have begun to really dig into my day and life. When I am lacking anything from my personal life, I do word studies on Bible verses. I can easily complete 500 words with one verse. I get on my bible app on my phone and look up the daily verses. I have e-sword on my computer, so it makes doing the study simple. Then I relate it to my life whether from the past, present or future.
Challenge lesson #4 – Unprecedented growth and encouragement …
The time I have spent searching my soul has given me courage. I am learning to be brave. Reading and studying the Word has drawn me closer to God and when I am closer to God; I am closer to others. My relationships are better, more fruitful. I am kinder. I begin to bear the fruit of the spirit. My words are seasoned with salt. My light shines. The light that God has placed within because of Jesus. People like me better. I don’t smell of fear and fish …
Unexpected lessons …
I am thankful for this challenge. It had unexpected lessons, but I learned to persevere through tiredness, blank computer screens, no inspiration, and constant editing. I know this is the right path, to study the Word, teach others with encouragement, persevere, and to be brave.
by Anne Utterback | Mar 24, 2018 | Blogging, God's Whisper, Life, Marriage
I have the ability to be at ease and sleep well, as long as my husband is laying next to me. Even when he snores and I have to wear my earplugs. However, a few years ago I was put to the test.
Scott was going to be gone for a month on a mission trip and he added a little site seeing time as well. He had been gone before, but this was his longest trip. Also, I was going to be home by myself with our two boys for the entire time. I usually would coordinate my trips to see my family with his. This made the time go by faster and it was much easier to be apart.
But this time it was in May and I was working full-time. I was not able to get away. It was the 2nd or 3rd night and I was laying in our king size bed alone. I couldn’t sleep. Every noise would, my eyes opened and ears perked up. I would then create scenarios as to what was creating this unusual sound. I would slowly get up. Tip-toe around the house. Locate this new strange noise. Only to discover it was not new or strange. Crawl back in bed and repeat. I knew I wouldn’t be able to function this way for long, especially with on no sleep. I would start to get grumpy.
Then I heard God speak to me, “Annie, who protects you?”
“You do.” I responded.
He replied, “I am the One who protects you. There will be a time when Scott is not going to be there. But I will always be there. I am your all in all. I am your protector.”
He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. Psalm 23:2
I slept great. There have been nights when I need to remind myself of that moment. The doubts start to creep in. The fear can be overwhelming, but God is there.
I also began to think about how many years I lived alone. I slept before I met Scott. There are times when we put unrealistic expectations on our spouses. They are not God. They are not going to fix everything. When we put godly expectations on humans, they disappoint us. Does this mean ‘bad things’ will never happen? No. But what I do know is that God is my Protector. He is in control always. He is not surprised by anything.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. Psalm 23:4
We say how great our faith is, yet we don’t sleep at night? Really? Do we not see the contradiction? I am guessing that most people slept before they were married? Just a guess, so why has it suddenly changed? Yes, there are moments that can create worry: job, living in a bad neighborhood, people have gone crazy, kids not at home, watching the news, waiting for test results, finances, etc.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew 6:34
Worry adds an entirely new twist to sleeplessness. This was about fear and conquering that fear when my husband is not home. But don’t worry, I will discuss worry another day …
Can you sleep when your spouse is not home? Do they work nights? Are they frequent travelers? Get some sleep beautiful. God’s got you! He is the Protector.
by Anne Utterback | Feb 20, 2018 | God's Whisper, Life
Less than …
I was recently told that when I talk to people, my friends, that my conversation is not as important as my husband’s because he talks business. Later it was explained that him talking business meant opportunity and money. My conversation was just that, conversation. My husband was important; I was not. In my head I thought, I will not be treated as Less Than.
I have value …
I have value. God has called me to be an encouragement to people, especially women. He has given me a passion for truth in love, challenging people to align their lives with the Word of God. Using my life as examples of what not to do and what I have learned along the journey. I have many different life experiences. Many of my experiences are not great, they do not invoke inspiration, nor would they win any amazing awards. However, my stories do involve pride issues, embarrassment and failure. These types of stories are relatable to people. I have an innate ability to relate to most people. God has given me life experiences to be used to relate, to communicate and to add value to other.
Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15
The more I speak the truth and add value to others, the more I grow in Christ.
Money does not equal success …
Monetary means does not equate to success. I do not make money for my ‘business’. But living out my purpose pays much more than money. To truly understand this, one must understand God. God blesses me with peace and joy. There are times when I struggle with truth in my life. I want to point the blame to others or justify my actions and words. But then my peace and joy start to diminish. I begin to search for value in the world. I cannot maintain my peace and joy if my eyes turn from Jesus.
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
This is not a post about money being evil. I believe that you can amass great wealth and be in line with God. There are many examples in the Bible – Job, Solomon, and David to name a few. I am simply saying that I am not less than because I make less money than my husband.
Equal significance in marriage …
Moms and dads have equal worth in a marriage. Dad should not get more respect and mom should not be treated with more snuggles and love. The man and woman should be treated equally by the children. Both should be loved, both should be respected, and no one should be the favorite. It goes back to treat people how you want to be treated. Do you want to be a favorite? Remember, when you are a favorite that means someone else is treated less than. How would you feel if you were the less favorite? I bet you would quickly change your mind on picking a favorite if you truly stopped and put yourself in the ‘less than’ shoes. No one wants to be picked last, forgotten about, or be the afterthought.
And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of him during your time here as “temporary residents. 1 Peter 1:17
God has no favorites. Do you?
I have value. Money does not equal success. Moms and dads have equal worth in marriage. These are the 3 reasons why I will not be less than. God has blessed me with a passion to teach His Word to others through my life experiences and my truth which comes from Jesus. I look to Him for guidance and my next steps, not from the world. I am not better than but equal to others. Do you feel ‘less than’? I can assure you that you are not. Take time to pray and ask God to reveal places where you feel ‘less than’ and allow Him to heal you.
by Anne Utterback | Feb 10, 2018 | God's Whisper, Life
I told myself that I would not wind up on the beach again, but I have. I think the best way to get on the road to recovery is admit it. So here I am admitting that I have been hiding from writing. I keep coming up with the same excuses.
I have a headache …
I really do get headaches, lots of them. I also suffer from migraines. Lately, I have been able to keep the migraine at bay, however, the downside is I have a headache for 3 days. I can either be in bed, in pain for at least a day or be able to function but be tired and medicated. It really is a toss-up. In reality though, I can still type and write, but I don’t. This is pure laziness.
Proverbs 19:15 – Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry.
I find that when I have a moment of laziness; it breeds more laziness. This verse is a great reminder of how true that is. I will get to the root of my headaches but until then, I need to remember this verse. I will not ‘sleep’ through life.
Life is busy …
Life is busy, but not that busy! When I take time to really think about how I spend my day, I could have carved out at least 2 or more hours. How do I know this? The amount of time it takes to watch a show or movie with my family is typically 2 hours.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 – There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
Now this verse states that there is a time for everything, but I am not sure that Solomon was talking about binge watching Netflix or playing Sugar Smash on his smart phone. These are my time wasters. Ugh. It’s so sad to write and read that. The truth shall set me free! Oh and let’s not forget social media …
I just don’t want to …
This is really the bottom line. I will come up with every excuse to not do what I should be doing. When I go about my day in my strength, not acknowledging God, this is what tends to happen. The time is wasted. Tasks are mediocre. I feel tired. I am drained. I have nothing to give at home.
Psalm 143:10 – Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
In the commentary it says – “Asking God to restructure our priorities awakens our minds and stirs our wills.” My priorities are off when I leave God out. I need to constantly surrender my life and day to Him. He knows the plans, the best plans for me.
I am getting off the beach of laziness and excuses. I am going where He wants me to go. My mind is filled with words that need to be written, stories that need to be shared, blogs that need to be posted, and books that need to be published. I love the beach, just not this one. The beach of laziness and excuses is not one of beauty but of regret. I am leaving this beach behind.
Do you have a beach of laziness and excuses? Not everyone does. But if you said yes, what does it look like? Calling it out is the first step in recovery. After all, we are in this together!
