by Anne Utterback | God's Whisper
So many thoughts, what to do …
I am really evaluating my parenting skills right now. It is a Saturday. One of my few days off. I have no obligations today. I have avoided writing for months. This has caused a fight within. When I begin to have this inner battle, I become unmotivated. I also create excuses as to why I am unmotivated. Then I begin to rationalize all the other things that I should be doing instead of what I should do to create momentum, which leads me to choices.
My house needs to be cleaned. Now it is not a disaster. The house gets a weekly cleaning and today is the day that this usually happens. Laundry has begun to pile up. I love to bake, and some tasty treats are always a welcomed sight. I should get a few more chapters done on my bible study. My desk needs some attention, papers filed, mail opened, pay some bills, etc. I could look over my boys’ schoolwork because I homeschool. Groceries would be good. These are some of the responsibilities that are keeping me from writing.
Parenting choices …
Then I encounter my parenting choices. My boys have been playing Minecraft all morning, seriously all morning. Do I allow them to keep playing on a computer rotting their minds and getting zero physical activity? They are not fighting. I get total quiet. My husband is at the flip-house beginning the demo process. So I really have a quiet house right now. The only real disturbances are Winnie’s occasional odor and my inner turmoil.
I spent some time on facebook. Then I begin to read and see all the amazing parenting moments of others. I think to myself, ‘am I failing?’ I could take a picture and write out a comment to gain sympathy or encouragement from others. Then some might use a passive-aggressive statement that feels like judgement and ridicule. I could possibly get some high-fives that say I deserve to take some time for myself. Others would scroll on by without finishing the first sentence. These are all opinions, just opinions. Not one of them is right or wrong. I spend so much time wasted on opinion.
So, today I am unsure what is going to get accomplished …
But I know this, I sat and wrote a blog. I finally took some time and put my thoughts on ‘paper’. I am constantly analyzing everything. My bestie said to me the other day that she would not want to be inside my head. What she said was not hurtful in any way. We laughed. She is right. God created me to think. I look at things from a different perspective, and it is not always the correct one, just different.
He has wired us all differently. He is pushing me. I am resisting. It really is futile. I am the one that is going to miss out. The day that I meet Him face-to-face, He will look at me with complete adoration and love. He will ask how I spent my time. What am I going to say? Netflix, Facebook, keeping my house super tidy, analyzing everything and solving nothing?
What do I choose?
Today I have choices. Today I choose to allow my boys some freedom. My house may or may not be sparkling. I might bake something or go to the local market instead. We may not have our favorite jeans clean for tomorrow. Because today I choose to walk the path that God is calling me to. I keep jumping off. He keeps calling. Today I choose to answer.
by Anne Utterback | Marriage
The best words my husband could possibly say …
“You are not a mess,” is what my husband said to me last night. I had so many feelings of emptiness. The kind of empty when I feel nothing but it becomes sadness, anger, grief, just ickyness. (Side note: I have a math degree so I will on occasion create words.) So yes, ickyness. My children asked what was wrong, but I had reached a point that there was no real answer. It was an accumulation of things. I was trying to navigate all this icky stuff on my own, but wasn’t processing. Thoughts kept going round and round. They bounced from one to the next and back again, like monkeys in trees. I had become emotionally exhausted.
Scott tucked the boys in, and I crawled into bed. He held me, snuggled me and loved me. I wept, sobbed, and tried to hold it back and stop. He said, “Don’t hold back.” He held me tighter, and I wept. It wasn’t pretty. I finally uttered the words, “Why am I such a mess?” And he spoke those beautiful words that affirmed me, “You are not a mess.” He said many other great and encouraging words but that simple sentence gave me peace. He accepted me even in the ugly and held on. Scott never questioned nor did he hesitate. He loved me.
God’s love is bigger …
I began to reflect on God’s love. There have been other times in our marriage that I desired to be held by Scott, and it didn’t happen. Of course there are a myriad of reasons but that is not the point. My reflection is that every time I feel the emptiness, God is holding on. He held me during the death of my sister Kelly, when we had to close a business, move to a new state, pending test results and career changes.
God holds on just as tight when all feels good too. He is holding on when I am laughing and feeling joy. He is holding on while I give birth, when I’m watching TV, baking cookies, cooking dinner, taking a walk, playing a game with my boys, home schooling and even when I sleep. God always has a grip on me. “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” That is His promise. Scott exemplified that promise in the earthly form to me last night. I am truly blessed. I have a God that will never leave me nor forsake me, and a husband who will walk alongside me in the journey.
… he will never leave you nor forsake you … Deuteronomy 31:8
Do you believe that you are a mess?
Let me encourage you, that you are not a mess, not even a hot mess. This phrase gets used a lot. It can be funny. But let me assure you to not hold onto that belief as an identity. We all have moments that resemble this. The every day tasks of getting kids to school, making appointments, game times, dinner, performances, grocery shopping, homework, and house cleaning can create the feeling of being a chaotic mess.
God wants you to know that you are loved. He is watching every step in the chaos and the peaceful moments.
by Anne Utterback | Life
Let’s discuss comfort …
I am reminded of a Facebook message I wrote to a friend months ago. A simple definition of comfort: 1. a state or situation in which you are relaxed and do not have any physically unpleasant feelings caused by pain, heat , cold, etc. 2. a state or feeling of being less worried, upset, frightened, etc., during a time of trouble or emotional pain. 3. a person or thing that makes someone feel less worried, upset, frightened, etc.
It’s interesting that it says ‘less’. It never fully disappears. The negative feeling just lessens. The only way to achieve comfort is from God. He promises comfort over and over in the bible. According to answers.com the this word appears 66 times in the King James Version and 65 times of other forms of comfort. God desires me to have comfort.
Where am I looking to get comfort?
Usually not from the right place. Not from God. But my own desires. The stuff that gives me that relaxed physical pleasantness from the first definition. For instance, binge TV watching, sitting and contemplating the world’s problems and solving them with great ease and fantastic ideas, checking out the internet and apps on my phone, baking, not exercising, research on the internet, trying to find something new to watch on Netflix, laying in bed an extra hour in the morning, etc. These are just a few. Riveting I know. I am an introvert and like my alone time. A lot of alone time and sitting, I like sitting. But this is not the comfort I am to be searching for.
I cannot deny the nudging at my heart. Get uncomfortable. Move. Read. Study. Write. Get uncomfortable with the world and get comfort from Me. I desire you to have more, more of Me, more comfort, and more joy. It amazes me how much I accomplish in a day when I take my eyes off of my desires and turn to Him in everything. Is it smooth sailing everyday? No. I haven’t exercised in 3 days. My family has had more take-out for dinner than I have cooked this week. I am sun burnt from napping in the sun. And I might have a bed sore. Okay, that last one is not true.
However, I do know that He loves me and desires me to cast all my anxieties and rest in Him. Rest. It doesn’t say strive for, grab on tight, cling for dear life, or be a better person. He says rest. Now that brings me joy.
How do I get comfort?
I must first start with casting my cares to God. When I release my worries, I can begin to understand the plans that God has for me. I get focus which gives me drive, with drive comes action. What action is God calling you to? What are the whispers that you hear when the noise is turned down? Be encouraged, He is still there. Answer Him and begin the journey of true comfort.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7
