In the Middle of the Writing Journey

This is a journal entry from the 500 Words a Day Challenge. It amazes me the raw emotion that can come from writing in a journal and the truth. I find that God is constantly whispering the same thing to me … be brave, be real, be you, and keep writing.

Day 16 – How am I feeling about the 500 words a day challenge and writing.

There are days that I don’t have any words. So, I decided to type out exactly what I was feeling and the random thoughts bouncing in my head. We are always having some sort of thought, it could be the list of tasks that you want to accomplish at work or home, how you are feeling in relationships, maybe you are rethinking a discussion you had and now you are able to say the words that wouldn’t come yesterday but, in your head, they are flowing like a river. I am fighting the urge to stop, but I have never written so many words in a row. I have maintained the 500 words and it would feel painful to stop. There is a plethora of reasons but when I look at them, it boils down to just being lazy.

I want to sleep more but, am not sleeping at all. Lying in bed thinking about how I should be writing but want to sleep. I have nothing to write about. I don’t want to take the time to get out a bible study and push myself to learn. Bible studies push me in so many ways. It grows me because I will try to tell others what to do but ultimately, I need to work on myself first. I have no business telling others how to live their lives if mine is in shambles. I cannot give advice on parenting if my children are disrespectful and little minions running around giving orders or refusing to make eye contact to anyone. Marriage advice is out the window when there is tension in my own relationship.

Now of course there are exceptions to some of these because in the end, we can only control ourselves and how we act. But if we are not seeing the problem in our own relationships, we are not able to assist others. When I do bible study, God is always working on my heart. He is molding it. Pruning my branches. Creating me to be more like Him and this forces me to look outside of myself and begin to reflect on what am I doing that is assisting in the downfall of relationship.

I must keep fighting through this transition in my life. I want to write and help others learn to rely on God and what it looks like to align your life with scripture. The world, the culture is constantly spewing lies and tells us what we should be doing and how to raise our kids and that divorce is necessary, co-habitation is best, church doesn’t need to be attended, sports are a must but need to happen at age 5 or they will never play in high school. The list goes on and on.

The world is loud. It is screaming at us through the television, our phones and computers through social media, shows and movies. It stuns me what is on tv and movies now. The ratings are getting looser and we are getting worse. We no longer view things as bad. We are becoming numb. Our children are becoming desensitized. But there is hope. There is always hope. Look up. Not at the screen but beyond. God is with us. He will never forsake us. We need to turn to Him and share with others and help those who are being lured away by all the noise. We need to be the soft whisper of encouragement that is heard in the storm of life.

(You can read more about my challenge here -https://anneutters.com/2018/04/09/what-i-learned-during-the-500-words-for-30-days-challenge/ )