Back in the whale …
This is a continued reflection of sitting in the whale. What happens when you sit in a whale? How do you think it smells? Yep. I smell. I have been sitting. During this time of sitting there has been very little motivation but fear. I don’t like fear. I don’t want to admit fear. Fear is scary. Admitting fear feels humiliating. A simple definition of fear is being afraid of something or someone. In this case, I am afraid of people’s opinions of what I write. There is a myriad of thoughts that go through my head. None of which gives me comfort or peace. I need to move out of fear. I need to move out of the whale (again).
Now don’t get the wrong idea here. I have faced and kicked fear’s butt numerous times. But this time is hard for me. It may seem simple to others, but it is scary for me. But I will tell you, I do not like to smell. Smelling stinky is the worst. I have deodorant in my office drawer just so I don’t smell. Being smelly offends people, all people. You can walk by someone and get a whiff and it can blow you over. You can even identify people by their scent. It is a very powerful thing.
Smells can take you back to a moment …
The smell of mom’s baking on Christmas morning, the donut smell from dad’s car, or the smell of fresh cut grass. Then there are the smells that do not emit a happy emotion. One in particular is when a bowl of cereal spilled on the carpet. I can still smell the milk and sugar in the carpet. Trying to clean it up still haunts me.
Fear smells like insecurity for me. Simple definition of insecurity – uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. I have this when it comes to writing. I think this is why God has challenged me to write. He wants to grow me, getting rid of all my fears, and to be solely dependent on Him.
Psalm 25:1-2a “O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God!” I become dependent on Him by trusting Him in all things. This includes the hard things, the smelly things, the easy things, and the fearful things. So I relent and trust. I let go of fear and wash off the smell.
I think of a quote by Dr Seuss, “Everything stinks till it’s finished.” It is time to finish. I begin typing and writing one letter at a time, one word at a time, one sentence at a time and one blog at a time.